HAPPY BIRTHDAY to The Boy!!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Best Pick-Up Line Ever
"U so fine, you make a ni99a wanna get a job. Maybe 2 or 3 jobs. Damn, girl!"
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
File Under: Are you serious?
This is so fucked up.
First of all - who the hell has a bar mitzvah in a jail
Did they go all out & hire Matisyahu to perform for an insane concert fee? I want to know because its my gotdamn tax money that's paying for this.
Did they go all out & hire Matisyahu to perform for an insane concert fee? I want to know because its my gotdamn tax money that's paying for this.
Secondly - they'd better start having some first communion parties & eid celebrations... STAT!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
FIYAH!!!
i had an... experience... this weekend. well, to be fair, i didn't have the experience by myself.
so Husband & I decided to try a product we had seen advertised on TV. you know... normally I would say that we're smarter than being lulled into the trickery of advertising but we're a pretty adventurous couple & well... we got sucked in. this particular product offered sensational tittilations that would add to & enhance the pleasure for both of us. so why not, right?
well, now I know why not. (and i'm gonna add a bit of bragging here - we were both prepared to die a BIG death because the regular vanilla stuff is pretty damn hard to top... seriously - the will was updated & everything.)
so Husband & I decided to try a product we had seen advertised on TV. you know... normally I would say that we're smarter than being lulled into the trickery of advertising but we're a pretty adventurous couple & well... we got sucked in. this particular product offered sensational tittilations that would add to & enhance the pleasure for both of us. so why not, right?
well, now I know why not. (and i'm gonna add a bit of bragging here - we were both prepared to die a BIG death because the regular vanilla stuff is pretty damn hard to top... seriously - the will was updated & everything.)
what. a. fucking. mistake.
a little dab'll do ya... & whoa... my ya ya is a lil tingly... and then HEY... my hoo haa is a LOT tingly... and then HOLY SHIT... call the fire department cuz I don't know if there is anything we can do to stop this burning heat!
seriously - i think i may have gotten a chemical burn on my bits. there are probably countries that might consider this even more inhumane than cliterectomies with rusty butter knives.
the fact that it smelled like Vicks Vap-O-Rub was the first clue we should have paid attention to.
Friday, April 10, 2009
All Is Good & Well In The World
Earlier this year, The Boy discovered that I was the Tooth Fairie. I'm not sure exactly what tipped him off, but the delicious fantasy bubble of childhood has now been burst again (last year he announced that he knew I was the Easter Bunny. There's only 1 more left...).
So it happens that on this Friday preceding Easter, I read this article with joy.
NYC really is just a small town.
So it happens that on this Friday preceding Easter, I read this article with joy.
NYC really is just a small town.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
We've All Been There...
I know what happened to this woman...
She got tired of her teenage kids asking her to buy them shit in the mall. So she jumped.
She got tired of her teenage kids asking her to buy them shit in the mall. So she jumped.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
There But For The Grace Of God
I saw a homeless lady this weekend & the sight stopped me in my tracks. She used to be my neighbor.
I was walking thru Tompkins Square Park with The Boy on our way to visit his friend when I saw her pushing two shopping carts – one in front & one behind. Nothing struck me out of the ordinary until she turned her head & faced me. That’s when I saw who she was, and gasped. Loudly.
I don’t know her name. One of the tragic beauties of apartment dwelling in NYC is that you can live in the same building with someone for years & never know anything about them. I only know she was a lesbian because of the way she used to jingle her rainbow beaded necklace or adjust her big ass rainbow belt buckle whenever she saw me. And I know she lived one floor beneath me.
As such I can’t possibly know what led to her to the circumstances in which she finds herself now. I want to say it had to be some kind of mental illness… aggressive sexuality aside, she always struck me as kind of odd. The kind of neighbor I didn’t want to know better because she mumbled to herself & had a habit of barking at the senior citizens in our building to hurry up.
There are a LOT of people in our co-op development that are currently unemployed. I count myself among them. But our management company has been pretty courteous & helpful to the residents finding themselves in that situation. So unless she hadn’t paid her maintenance fee in months without telling them what was up, I can’t imagine it was simply a result of being unemployed.
Or maybe it was… maybe being jobless sets off a crazy kind of crazier? I don’t know.
I can’t afford that kind of crazy. I’m gonna apply for a job at McDonald’s tomorrow.
I was walking thru Tompkins Square Park with The Boy on our way to visit his friend when I saw her pushing two shopping carts – one in front & one behind. Nothing struck me out of the ordinary until she turned her head & faced me. That’s when I saw who she was, and gasped. Loudly.
I don’t know her name. One of the tragic beauties of apartment dwelling in NYC is that you can live in the same building with someone for years & never know anything about them. I only know she was a lesbian because of the way she used to jingle her rainbow beaded necklace or adjust her big ass rainbow belt buckle whenever she saw me. And I know she lived one floor beneath me.
As such I can’t possibly know what led to her to the circumstances in which she finds herself now. I want to say it had to be some kind of mental illness… aggressive sexuality aside, she always struck me as kind of odd. The kind of neighbor I didn’t want to know better because she mumbled to herself & had a habit of barking at the senior citizens in our building to hurry up.
There are a LOT of people in our co-op development that are currently unemployed. I count myself among them. But our management company has been pretty courteous & helpful to the residents finding themselves in that situation. So unless she hadn’t paid her maintenance fee in months without telling them what was up, I can’t imagine it was simply a result of being unemployed.
Or maybe it was… maybe being jobless sets off a crazy kind of crazier? I don’t know.
I can’t afford that kind of crazy. I’m gonna apply for a job at McDonald’s tomorrow.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Don't Dream It's Over
I've been dreaming of my dearly departeds a lot lately. I don't really know what that means... other than the realization that 90% of the people I love the most in life are dead.
There is some comfort that I derive from these dreams. It's lovely to see them all again. It amazes me that they appear to me as they appeared in my best memories of them... but I guess that makes sense.
It also amazes me that apparently each person only gets one outfit in the next world.
There is a part of me that feels I am keeping them bound to this world. Then again, there's the greater part of me that knows seeing them smiling & laughing again is the only way for them to offer me peace in their absence. They love me, and they want me to know that death didn't stop that. They also know that death didn't stop my love for them because of the way I keep my mind & spirit open for their visits.
I don't want to join them... not yet... not for another 15 - 20 years or so. And finally, I don't fear that they're coming to take anyone else with them. But I don't ever want them to stop coming.
There is some comfort that I derive from these dreams. It's lovely to see them all again. It amazes me that they appear to me as they appeared in my best memories of them... but I guess that makes sense.
It also amazes me that apparently each person only gets one outfit in the next world.
There is a part of me that feels I am keeping them bound to this world. Then again, there's the greater part of me that knows seeing them smiling & laughing again is the only way for them to offer me peace in their absence. They love me, and they want me to know that death didn't stop that. They also know that death didn't stop my love for them because of the way I keep my mind & spirit open for their visits.
I don't want to join them... not yet... not for another 15 - 20 years or so. And finally, I don't fear that they're coming to take anyone else with them. But I don't ever want them to stop coming.
Monday, March 16, 2009
No Nesting Allowed
I just performed an abortion. Well, it was only a couple of pigeon eggs, but still. I hate pigeons.
A pair of the filthy beasts apparently decided my balcony was a good place to drop an egg & make a nest... um, no. No nesting allowed here - sorry.
After triple gloving my hands, I cleared the space out & threw the egg in the garbage. I cracked it open w/ a hammer for good measure. Then I put an Allen Iverson bobble-head doll where the egg had been just to fuck with the pigeons.
I'm sure God will get me for this, but I don't know how yet. =)
A pair of the filthy beasts apparently decided my balcony was a good place to drop an egg & make a nest... um, no. No nesting allowed here - sorry.
After triple gloving my hands, I cleared the space out & threw the egg in the garbage. I cracked it open w/ a hammer for good measure. Then I put an Allen Iverson bobble-head doll where the egg had been just to fuck with the pigeons.
I'm sure God will get me for this, but I don't know how yet. =)
Friday, March 13, 2009
Happy Friday The 13th!
I like black cats & the #13. This year I finally celebrated Friday the 13th with a 13 related tattoo for $13 (+ $7 tip) at DareDevil Tattoo. I really want to say the artist's name was Benford. (My usual tattoo artist there is Jason June - he recently did a tattoo for one of the American Idol winners.)
So while I would love to have gotten a tattoo w/ a 13 AND a black cat, they didn't have any... But that's okay because I kinda fell in love with this little man on sight:
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Let The Congregation Say Amen
I just saw this on Twitter:
aplusk I feel like someone should invent "your (sic) welcome" cards for the occasion when someone should have send a thank you and didn't.
about 17 hours ago from web
I am so with this. I think I'm going to start making them for myself at home.
I'm fanatical about making The Boy send thank you cards. There are a few situations when he doesn't have to, but as a rule - he does. We are trying to impart the theory that gifts are a privilege & not a right... and that people work very hard to be able to give nice things.
For myself, I usually follow up a gift w/ an email or phone call, but I most certainly send thank you cards for big ticket items. Tickets to the theatre for my birthday - THANK YOU CARD. Wedding gifts & subsequent anniversary gifts - THANK YOU CARD. Cash gifts - THANK YOU CARD.
There's the part of me that gets soooooooooooooooo aggravated at not receiving a thank you card (other people's kids' birthdays... other people's weddings) that I've debated not giving gifts anymore... but I think that Ashton has inspired me to do something else instead.
...can't wait. I know it won't be long before I get to create one. ;-)
aplusk I feel like someone should invent "your (sic) welcome" cards for the occasion when someone should have send a thank you and didn't.
about 17 hours ago from web
I am so with this. I think I'm going to start making them for myself at home.
I'm fanatical about making The Boy send thank you cards. There are a few situations when he doesn't have to, but as a rule - he does. We are trying to impart the theory that gifts are a privilege & not a right... and that people work very hard to be able to give nice things.
For myself, I usually follow up a gift w/ an email or phone call, but I most certainly send thank you cards for big ticket items. Tickets to the theatre for my birthday - THANK YOU CARD. Wedding gifts & subsequent anniversary gifts - THANK YOU CARD. Cash gifts - THANK YOU CARD.
There's the part of me that gets soooooooooooooooo aggravated at not receiving a thank you card (other people's kids' birthdays... other people's weddings) that I've debated not giving gifts anymore... but I think that Ashton has inspired me to do something else instead.
...can't wait. I know it won't be long before I get to create one. ;-)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Snow Day
I would like to thank the City of New York & the NYC Dept. of Education for contributing to the general wimpification of NYC Public School Children by closing the schools today.
This is not that big of a deal, people. It is only a little bit of snow... anything less than 2 feet of that fluffy white shit should not cause shutting down the schools. I'm looking outside & I see people walking along the sidewalks just fine.
You know... I think I'm gonna send the boy to school anyway. Yeah.
This is not that big of a deal, people. It is only a little bit of snow... anything less than 2 feet of that fluffy white shit should not cause shutting down the schools. I'm looking outside & I see people walking along the sidewalks just fine.
You know... I think I'm gonna send the boy to school anyway. Yeah.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
There's A Place...
For a few years, I've been commenting on this to whomever I happen to be with while on an affected subway line (usually the J train @ Delancey Street). Each time, I've gotten a sideways crazy look...
I feel validated now!
I feel validated now!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Something Happens & I'm Head Over Heels
I fell head over heels this Valentine’s Day… literally.
The boy & I were strolling down Pitt St. on our way to get a shape-up on his wily, wiry curls when a crack I have never encountered before decided to make itself known. Oh well, hello there sidewalk. So good to see you and sooooooooooo close up too.
I almost don’t really know what happened. I was walking & talking (maybe I shouldn’t do those two in tandem anymore) then I was lying & blinking. I have a bruise blooming on my hip and my entire left forearm from elbow to pinkie is aching & sore. The boy said I let out a grunt he usually only hears on Animal Planet after some battling beast has received a fatal wound. Nice!
A kind gentleman rushed over to help, as did 2 police officers. The firemen parking their rig just stared with their mouths agape. The boy continued to eat his pizza.
True to form, I jumped up & shook it off… then promptly collapsed back down. And then I jumped up again. It’s been a few hours, but I think now I’ll shake it off again with some percocet.
Happy Hearts Day!
The boy & I were strolling down Pitt St. on our way to get a shape-up on his wily, wiry curls when a crack I have never encountered before decided to make itself known. Oh well, hello there sidewalk. So good to see you and sooooooooooo close up too.
I almost don’t really know what happened. I was walking & talking (maybe I shouldn’t do those two in tandem anymore) then I was lying & blinking. I have a bruise blooming on my hip and my entire left forearm from elbow to pinkie is aching & sore. The boy said I let out a grunt he usually only hears on Animal Planet after some battling beast has received a fatal wound. Nice!
A kind gentleman rushed over to help, as did 2 police officers. The firemen parking their rig just stared with their mouths agape. The boy continued to eat his pizza.
True to form, I jumped up & shook it off… then promptly collapsed back down. And then I jumped up again. It’s been a few hours, but I think now I’ll shake it off again with some percocet.
Happy Hearts Day!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
HELP!
So far today, I've made dinner for today & tomorrow AND tomorrow's lunch Also prepped the ingredients for another quiche tomorrow. I also cleaned the living room, finished crocheting a baby blanket & organized my tupperware cabinet. Tomorrow I'm hanging pictures.
I don't know what's wrong with me... I need to get a job quick cuz I am OBVIOUSLY going insane.
I don't know what's wrong with me... I need to get a job quick cuz I am OBVIOUSLY going insane.
Monday, February 9, 2009
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